So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
