I'm pants shitting drunk right now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
