I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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