I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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