Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
