thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
