We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
