the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
