then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
