News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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