I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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