Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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