i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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