The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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