My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
