Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
