So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
