I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
