wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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