I cannot find my penis.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Actions speak louder than pants.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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