I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
