yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
