Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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