i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
