I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
