It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
