He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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