Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
