I want to have your abortion
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
