he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
