don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want a musical about memes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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