I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
