YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
