I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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