Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
