She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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