He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
