we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
