Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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