People with herpes should wear stickers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
