Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
