Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
