I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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