Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
