i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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