I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
