walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
