Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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