Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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