Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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