You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
