I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
