so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
