threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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