Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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