yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
