the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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