i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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