so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
