Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
