I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just invented taco cereal.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
