yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
