Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
